Clouded Light, Ethereal Fright (Open)

[Caltin Vanagor]

Picture a woman screaming, a look of terror in her eyes as she looked at a horrific scene, she was looking at the image of a man hanging from her ceiling. The man, the late man, was deceased of a self inflicted move, the man committed suicide in her penthouse apartment. This man though, he was ordinary by most standards, well, all standards really but he had a memorable last name in many circles. No, he was not some son of a gajillionaire that couldn't appreciate all that his family had, he didn't have a family life, or much money. He wasn't some star, or recognized individual, no he had a name...

... he was a Vanagor...

... and this was the family home of the Vanagors in their childhood, a childhood that he could never have with them. Aric, the younger brother of both Caltin and Tyria was not born on Coruscant like his two elder siblings, no he was conceived there, but not long afterwards his parents were arrested (for crimes they were innocent of) and brought to Kessel, the prison planet noteworthy galaxy wide for its spice mines as well. The boy grew into a man living a hard life that he didn't deserve at all, to the point that when it was realized and he was released, he couldn't cope with suddenly being a free man, he didn't know how, and soon ended up on the wrong side of the law and on Belsavis, another prison planet.

Enough of the history lesson...

As the Emergency response team was removing them, an investigator was reading the note attached.

"I do not hate my family they didn't know me.
I hate what I am because of them."

When word reached Tyria on Naboo, she collapsed.

When word reached the Boulder... he just sat down in the kitchens of the Jedi Temple and looked at the floor.

[Masiri]

Finished with lunch, Masiri left the dining hall and knew that she had some training in the elements coming up, but not set schedule as Amalia had been very busy as of late. She didn't blame her master as she was one of the most popular in the temple. Musing on her small world, brown eyes soon fell on the master that she had trained with in fighting styles some months back, the look on his face was one that she knew all too well. She could even feel it in the air around him which prompted the padawan to slow her pace. Masiri had felt that when her parents were taken from her, the emptiness that was left behind inside was one of the worst things that she had ever known. Something she never wished on anyone, yet it seemed that the master was there now.

Feeling a pit in her stomach, the empathy for someone that had taken her to Ilum and watched over the newly recruited student of the Force, she quietly moved to his side and sat down. Quietly she sat for a long moment knowing that he had to allow her to help should he wish it, but perhaps it was enough just knowing that she was there.

[Caltin Vanagor]

As he sat quietly, he indeed noticed the Padawan walking in. The Force wasn't at play here as he was just looking at the floor and thinking about the news he had received. As she sat down he didn't visually acknowledge her, well, nothing more than a nudge of his elbow against her arm, much like a brother would a sister. No, he wasn't happy that she was there but that wasn't her fault, he was angry or bothered by her at all, he just didn't know how to process all of this.

People say that I'm "anti-social", maybe I am... okay... I am. It's nothing personal though, to anyone. Too used to losing people, to dealing with hurt. So I shut people out because every time I would find someone I would lose them. In time as a Jedi I learned that it happens here too, Knight Quin, losing not one but two Masters. Used to let it get to me, but in time I learned to use it to my advantage.

After a sharp inhale, he just let out a deep disgusted sigh.

I made myself that guy that you couldn't talk to... but could count on. The guy who could make the decisions that no one else could. I made myself the person who could do what he had to because he had nothing else to lose. To do what he did so no one else would have to. Then my sister returned into my life; thought she was dead. Then I found out I have a daughter. So I separated family from Jedi, then my niece and nephew come to Yavin... they understand it's "Jedi first" here. Everything was making sense. Now this...

He gave details but they were really detailed, the context wasn't there but it could be... he's still in shock.

[Masiri]

The playful bump from his elbow prompted a slight grin knowing he was trying to keep from breaking down in front of her, then she listened to his thoughts and let him talk. It was the one thing that helped her endure that year stuffed away in the cargo bay of that ship. Her sister was the only reason that Masiri was even still breathing; To keep her alive was first and foremost in her mind during that time. Now, she felt a bit odd being the psychiatrist for a mentor, yet she knew from things that her parents had taught her and Lurianne that everyone needed help sometime.

"Being a strong leader is what we need, but it's okay to admit you're human once in a while," she grinned again, trying her best to ease her own emotions on the subject. "It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that we all become one with the Force eventually. My parents' lives were taken before my eyes and I felt so helpless. I hated it, but then once I remembered that my sister needed me then I had a new focus. Keeping her safe as long as I could was what kept me going. You're our big brother, but like my father would say, in reality we're all on the same plane. No one truly above anyone else. Deep down we all have the same fears and hopes, regardless of titles." Without thought, Masiri turned and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and hugged him.

[Caltin Vanagor]

"Big Brother"... interesting choice of words, Padawan. Sure, she may be hugging him and he may not be hugging back but could use a free hand to pat her on the arm. Just shaking his head he pulled up the news he had just received and showed it to her. The brother, the suicide, all of it. He didn't want to make things harsh or bitter, but there was a harsh and bitter reality to all of this. He just shook his head again, emotionless.

The weird thing about all of it, is I didn't know I had a brother until I read this. Yet I met him. He told her of the story about them on Belsavis. How he ran into the guy repeatedly, how Caltin could feel him somehow, felt his hatred, all of it. The disappointment in his eyes, his voice, everything was evident. The thing about keeping lives separate, eventually your past catches up to you. I'm tired of my past catching up with me.

[Masiri]

Backing, she took the flimsiplast page and read through it, then listened to Caltin as he recounted their near misses and grinned at him sympathetically. "It isn't your fault." She knew that her own guilt over what happened to her parents still haunted her, but as she had been growing stronger in the Force, as a Jedi, Masiri knew that feeling wasn't something that she needed to hold on to any more. "We all make our own choices in life and he unfortunately made his. I wish for your sake that things would've worked out differently, but he made his choice. I know that doesn't make it any easier," she shrugged, there being little else that she could add to help him in this turmoil.

[Caltin Vanagor]

I know...

He just shook his head again.

Just tired of finding things out about people, rather than from them.

Sitting back and putting the information down, he just sucked on his gumline. As he looked at the wall, as if looking off in the distance he just looked on as if reading something. If there were visible gears in his head they would be turning. It's time I do something about it.