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Unravelling the Past (Baus)

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  • Unravelling the Past (Baus)

    It was a quite journey to Naboo, N’yssa didn’t want to get in Baus’s way, with the ship being tight and his mind preoccupied on his own inner conflict. She was concerned for the man, worried that his returning memories could be painful and cause him more trauma, but in the end, she knew he had to find the truth and that she needed to be there when he did.

    Baus was her responsibility after all, not just as a Master, but a patient as well. She remembered how he arrived, how at a lost he was yet had this power. N’yssa wanted to help him, she wanted to help everyone and at first things weren’t so bad. But things have changed, Baus had become restless as memories returned. If things continued as they were... she had a feeling Baus may not remain in the Jedi.

    She won’t force him. She wasn’t like that. N’yssa just wanted to make sure that whatever decision Baus comes to, he will be happy.

    “We’re entering Naboo’s atmosphere. Any particular location you’d like me to close in on?” N’yssa asked Baus as their destination appeared before them.
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  • #2
    The trip was quiet and that was a good thing because that memory of Tuk was repeating in his head whether he wanted it to or not. His voice yelling out the name. If he closed his eyes, the entire scene played out over and over again. It was stressing him out to say the least, and it was only getting worse because he was getting feelings of anger and hatred in him. He knew why he was getting those feelings too, it was because he knew why the man was hanging off the train. They were trying a stunt and security was trying to actively throw them off in the worst possible spot.

    He blamed himself for Tuk's death but to him they were the cause, and it angered him, and that concerned him. Was he the good person that the woman next to him seemed to think he was? Was he just another scumbag like most people seemed to think? Either way answers had to come, and he was going to find them, one way or the other. He needed closure. Then she asked him where to go, and while he wanted to go alone he was glad to have someone care about him. Mountains, anywhere with a hovertrain if that's okay.

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    • #3
      “No problem... it may take a while to find the right mountain range.” N’yssa said with a grin. “I grew up near the Deeja Peak Mountain range, why don’t we start there?” She glanced over at Baus, waiting for an answer, but not really expecting one.

      N’yssa took the ship over to the high mountains, and found a clearing wide enough to land on. She made sure that the village she grew up in was on the other side of the mountains. As much as the Jedi Master had accepted the fate of her village, she still didn’t like visiting the ruins.

      “There should be a hovertrain station not that far from here. We can jump on there and take it through the mountains. See if anything rings any more bells in your head.”
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      • #4
        Alright. He said with a defeated sigh. He was still mulling over the memory in his head as it was almost the only thing that he had ever thought of. The ground was coarse and frigid just like he had remembered it. He didn't want to think about that though as it might have been the last time he was here, which would make sense, after all it was an incredible trauma. Getting out and looking around, he secured his pack over the shoulder, our hero took a deep breath.

        "I'm sorry." Just wanted to get that out there ahead of time. He knew she had her doubts about him, it wasn't any connection to the Force or anything, he didn't need his limited skills to know it. Most people look at me the same way you've been doing since we left Homeworld.

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        • #5
          “The ‘afraid to say something that could upset you?’ look?” N’yssa teased, giving Baus a smile. “It’s alright, and I’m sorry too for giving you that look. I didn’t want to intrude too much on your thoughts, some people like to talk, others not. You’re one of the silent ones.”

          N’yssa walked by Baus’s side as they found the trail towards the tram’s station that began to appear in the distance. She took a deep breath, and let it out again.

          “You know if you need to talk, about anything, you can count on me to listen. This may trigger some emotional stress, you shouldn’t keep it bottled up... it’ll just get larger and consume you. Talking things out has always seemed better on the psyche. Let me know if anything on the trip prompts some memories.”
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          • #6
            Okay, you want me to talk things out. Sounds good. Taking a few steps on the trail and looking around he wanted to get what he was thinking off his chest. He was always one to get things out right away and not let things stew and build up, it was never him, at least not until he joined the Jedi. Part of him was beginning to regret that choice, a very small part. It was when he saw a snow cap that he stopped for a moment.

            The "afraid to say something that could upset me" look. Why is it so popular? You want me to talk things out, but how can I do that if other people don't? He started slowly walking again looking around more and more.

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            • #7
              N’yssa stopped when she heard Baus’s words. She was worried she had uspet him in some way, but she kept her expressions calm and emotionless. She watched Baus and listened to his question. Unfortunately she didn’t have a reply.

              “I don’t know. Personally, for me, I know I worry about saying the right thing at the right time. I became a Knight at a young age, meaning I had to began teaching and that frightened me. I wanted to make a good impression, but I was afraid of ‘rocking the boat’, that my lessons wouldn’t come out right, that somehow what I think and what I say isn’t the same and my students would just stare about me funny or think i’m lousy at being a teacher.” N’yssa sighed.

              “Since then, i’m always aware of how my words could be interrupted... sometimes misinterpreted. I don’t mean to offend anyone when I speak, but there are times when that happens, and I feel guilty. With you Baus, I have that same fear, i’m afraid that I’m going to say something that in my own mind sounds right, but when it’s spoken, and I see a look on your face... I worry that I messed up, and didn’t something wrong.” The Pink hair master smiled and looked off into the distance.

              “I may be a Master, but i’m still just human, i’m not even thirty yet. Yet, here I am, a Jedi Master, and i’ve been one for a number of years. It doesn’t make me any better though, I find it humbles myself more every day.” N’yssa turned to Baus.

              “I think there are many other Jedi like that, who are self-conscious of their words and how they could be interpreted by others. It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours. As long as you are able to forgive those in that moment of inadequately, they will be more relaxed and perhaps be able to communicate their thoughts better.”
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              • #8
                See, that's what I'm talking about. People are so worried about offending me, offending someone else, it's excruciating the lengths the Jedi go to be buddy buddy. He didn't want to be harsh but he was so hard sometimes trying to be cordial and failing, he wasn't someone who cared what people thought, he was just drained by it. I don't need apologies, or need to forgive someone for being themselves, I just think it's hard to expect me to respect others who can't respect me enough to be themselves. Maybe it was a little hard of him to say, but he wanted to make this work, this whole "Jedi" thing.

                I know you think I'm gonna leave... He said as he kept walking. You could have brought it up.

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                • #9
                  “You haven’t left yet. There’s still hope.” N’yssa smiled at Baus, then turned to start walking again.

                  “Afraid to speak does not mean there is any disrespect. Everybody isn’t like you Baus, they don’t have the strength or the confidence to shrug the world off and do as they please. It’s an admirable trait, don’t get me wrong, but not everybody has it. There’s a form of psychology that can go into great detail about behaviours, personalities and how some think... but I’m not going to bore you with all of that.”

                  N’yssa glanced back, making sure Buas was keeping up. “If you leave, I wish you the best of luck. I’m not going to hold you back or force you down any path. I’ve seen... I’ve tried that in the past and it completely backfired on me. I’ve learned my lesson and allow my students and others to make their own decisions. If you wish to leave the Jedi, I don’t want you to think that you’ve lost me as well. I will still consider you a friend.”
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                  • #10
                    There it was, she was basically telling him that he was going to fail, to give up and walk away. Wasn't she? He was keeping up but a huge part of him wanted to just stop right there and walk away from her, from it all. He wasn't going to beg to be a part of the Jedi, prove worthy, if they didn't care he could just walk away now, but then what? Where would he go? How would he figure out his past? Could he do it on his own?

                    Just letting out a frustrated sigh he just shook his head as he kept going. No matter what you think, I'm no quitter, but I know when I'm not welcome. I'm not going to beg to be a Jedi, so if I feel the need to, I'll move on. However out of respect for all the patience, everything you've shown me, if I do, I won't leave without telling you first. It was out in the open, it was off his chest, but it couldn't really discussed at the moment as they were at the station.

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                    • #11
                      “Thank you Baus, I'd appreciate the.” N’yssa said in turn to his comment about telling her first if he wanted to leave. It would be sad, to see someone with his potential leave, but Baus had to find himself before he could find a future. It was a delicate situation, one where N’yssa knew she couldn’t force or push him towards.

                      The two reached the station, just as the next tram appeared. “Good timing, huh?” She questioned with a wink and smile before jumping onboard the moment the doors opened up. Inside there was a map of the track and surrounding mountain area along the upper edge of the car. N’yssa held onto a pole and gazed upon it.

                      “It seems, we’re about a quarter of the way into the trail already.... hopefully we haven’t missed your location already... but we can still take it back around here to make one full circuit.”
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                      • #12
                        You're going to have to teach me that trick. He quipped, sure it was a coincidence of timing, but it was a joke with a hint of wonder behind it. Our hero wasn't going to dwell as they entered the station. This was too far into their trip, he had to see it through, even if on his own, so he was going to get onto the train. The question is would it be a full trip? What would he do if he had seen it? There was a tough part to finding out the truth about yourself, there was always the question of whether or not you would be able to handle the truth.

                        Let's do this.

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                        • #13
                          “Ahh... years of practice young Padawan.” N’yssa replied back with a smile and a wink. Taking a seat, the Jedi Master gestured to Baus to take the one close to the window. She didn’t know if this was going to work, or when, but she hoped that they were on the right track.

                          “Since you don’t like people giving you that look, i’ll ask my questions instead. How are you doing?”
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                          • #14
                            He didn't really take to the joke, but a challenge, which was actually a good thing, it spurred him to go further with this. He did take the seat that she offered and as he looked out, he actually took a moment to smile, he liked nature, he always did, he knew that much. The view wasn't very memorable in the way that he was trying to recover, but something a little boring. Oh well, if it wasn't the right place, at least the ride would be comfortable... until the personal questions.

                            I'm fine, I guess. Wanting this all to end so I know who I am, hoping it's not who I think I am.

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                            • #15
                              It wasn’t the best answer, but it was honest. As the two traveled on the tram, N’yssa remembered her own bout of amnesia back when she was a Knight. It felt so long ago, and it didn’t last as long... and she was still surrounded by students and Jedi who looked after her. Baus... he was all alone in this... as much as N’yssa tried to be there, to let him know she would not leave him, she still felt this walls blocking her and keeping her away.

                              “Remember, your past doesn’t have limit your future. If you don’t like who you were, there is always a choice, and you can choose to change.”
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