Home is Where the Heart is... [Nikole]

[Aurelia Nystrom]

"They're really home!"

Aurelia didn't answer Kat only because she was so intently staring at the boarding ramp, waiting to see Nikole descend it, needing to see with her own eyes that she was home.

And here she is!

Her heart skipped a beat as she hurried to her wife, throwing her arms around her. Aurelia didn't say a word; she had no need to ask about the mission or anything else. That could all come later. She just needed to hold her and kiss her hard. And that's exactly what she did.

[Nikole Nystrom]

"Have faith."

Those were the words of wisdom imparted to Nikole as she and Colère waited for the boarding ramp to lower. She was nervous as frak but when brown eyes fells upon her wife, her initial fear melted away as the longing in her heart demanded to be joined with the mate she had been separated from for weeks.

She all but crushed Aurelia within her arms, reciprocating the kiss right there on the boarding ramp ...

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Auri moaned into the kiss, tears leaking through closed eyelids. Her emotions had already been running so close to the surface, and having Nikole back in her arms sent them over the top! She clung to her as they kissed, feeling her reality make sense again by having the other half of her soul back.

It was no slight meant toward Kat, of course. It was just that - for as close as they'd become - Nikole was her mate. Forever. And everything in her knew that.

She gasped as she pulled back to breathe, thumbs tracing Nikole's cheeks. Auri whispered, "Baby, I missed you so much. Please... never again. Never apart so long... not ever again..."

[Nikole Nystrom]

The rebounding emotions that were filtering into Nikole's awareness was making her nerves about what had happened escalate when the kiss broke. She was hyper aware of her mate's feelings because that was how the bond worked with separation - the need between partners wanting to reconnect on every level. Including the emotional torrent that Aurelia was feeling, so secure in the bond that she and Nikole had.

"I ... I, gods... I missed you too. I ..." She couldn't finish responding to Aurelia's pleas because guilt was consuming her. Thus she grabbed her wife by the wrist and marched them right into the belly of Ronan. She hit the controls to close the boarding ramp and didn't know where to go initially. "Frak ..." she whispered, squeezing Auri's hand and just decides that there was enough privacy here with the click of the ramp locking into place.

"Frak, Auri..." She couldn't bare to look at her now. "... Colère and I ... We ... "

She swore under her breath and grew rigid, unable to express how sorry she was for what happened, even knowing that it had been the right thing to do.

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Aurelia's eyes widened when Nikole tugged her up the ramp by the wrist. She would've hoped for a sexy reunion then and there, but she could feel guilt radiating off her mate in crashing waves. And that made no sense unless the one thing happened that she and Kat had expected would.

"Baby... I know. And it's okay. The bonds... our likenesses, the... just everything. It happened with Katja and me too, Nik."

Wow, that ronto ran out of the bag quickly, she thought.

"Comfort. Closeness. I get it. You don't have to feel guilty over it," Auri said. "Col is me. And I'm her. Same as with you and Kat... or, almost, anyway. It's okay."

[Nikole Nystrom]

Nikole's head shot up and around to stare incredulously at Aurelia. "Really?"

It was a huge relief to know that her wife had found similar comfort in her sister. She stepped forward, taking Aurelia's other hand in her own, smiling in relief. "Colère had said similar but ... I ... I wasn't sure. But ..."

Her heart took a leap of faith that she would soon regret. "Does this mean you ... bonded with Katja too?"

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Aurelia nodded in understanding, squeezing Nikole's hand. It would sound awkward to anyone outside the family, but they knew how intimately connected the foursome was.

And then, the bottom dropped out beneath the brunette.

"You bonded with Colère?!"

The words fell off her lips like an accusation. Aurelia's expression was one of pure shock and horror, just because she couldn't believe what Nikole had just said. She didn't immediately let go of Nikole's hand, but her grip had definitely gone limp as she tried to process this.

"You bonded with her?" she repeated, tone softening to one of deep sadness and resignation. "Does that mean we're... not bonded? Are we through? Nikole, stang it! Explain this! Explain yourself!"

[Nikole Nystrom]

Aurelia's accusation had made the Morellian flinch and cower, so unlike the proud woman she was. She completely misread how similar their situations were when they weren't at all! Obviously there was no trigger that occurred while they were away for Aurelia and Katja to bond deeper than being pulled towards one another in comfort.

She clung to Aurelia's hands, pulling her mate closer. "No! We're still bonded! You felt it the moment we laid eyes upon one another! We're together. Forever!"

That explained nothing except that their bond was secured. Not how she managed to bond to Colère. "It ... happened when we caught Trent." She swallowed hard, knowing that this could possibly make this worse - hearing that she and Colère had forged a Morellian bond over the murder of the man that had assaulted Aurelia as a child.

"Emotions were running high. We ... began feeding off of one another as ... as I ..." she sighed and looked away, knowing her wife would understand that she referred to killing Trent. "Our feelings escalated. My eyes dilated during it. It was so raw. Colère's did too. Later... During. I ... "

She couldn't go on. Knowing that keeping the bond with Colère was the right course of action because of their races standards. But it wouldn't make it hurt Aurelia less. "I love you. You're still mine. Always will be mine, darling ..."

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Coldly, Auri snapped, "This was not what I had in mind when I hoped you too would get along."

Her head was spinning, thoughts coming too fast. She let go of Nikole's hands and dropped onto the couch in the hold, head in her hands. Aurelia sighed heavily.

"I thought that..."

...finding one's mate was rare. I thought I was special. So how could you bond with her too?!

But Aurelia didn't ask because she knew the answer to that. There were other pressing, hurtful thoughts racing through her head besides.

She has a REAL bond with Colère. Two Morellians. I'm only me. Will that make that connection closer for them? And why didn't she break that bond? I'm her mate, stang it. I am! Or I was...? Will she really want me still, if she can have a real Morellian who...

She closed her eyes, taking her hands through her hair.

Face it, Auri. Colère is smart and sexy and has the edge you've come to lack... and she's a full blooded Morellian. On purpose or not, who wouldn't WANT to mate with her? Who wouldn't prefer their own kind?!

Despair hammered her senses, but she didn't run which was amazing considering how badly this hurt. Auri looked up at Nikole, the devastation plain on her face.

"I pledged my life to you. I gave you a son. You went off to protect and avenge me. I get that this could 'just happen' because of how she and I are connected," she husked out. "But how could you keep a bond with Colère? How could you want to? I don't understand, Nikole. Is it because she's a Morellian and I'm not? Some allure there that I genetically lack? Make me understand. Please. Help me understand."

[Nikole Nystrom]

Nikole backed away into the wall of the hold, crossing her arms and appearing completely ashamed that she had caused this unintentional strife.

I should've agreed to dissolving the bond. I should've! Now Aurelia feels as if what we have isn't special or ... or matters. That she doesn't matter! It's not true!

"Gods, darling, no!" She kicked the back of the hull in frustration. "It has nothing to do with Colère being Morellian. Or some appeal that you lack! It's because we share a bond! That our feelings paralleled and complimented one another. Just as you and I do!"

She began to pace, needing to move and trying to separate what was her own feelings from Aurelia's. One thought that she did pick up, and was grateful for, was her wife's growth in the last year and willing to talk this out instead of running. If Aurelia had done that ... Nikole wouldn't have been able to live with herself.

"Back home, if you found your intended and the chance occurred to forge the bond ... If you renounce the opportunity you loss face in both families and were generally ostracized by them. Depending on which caste you came from, you could have been labeled a pariah and have to move to another town!"

Brown eyes flashed fearful, wondering if this was going to matter. "I know this isn't Morella but ... this is still what my people believe. That denying what happened between me and Colère was wrong! And it doesn't feel wrong... not to me ..."

She stared hard at Aurelia, willing her to understand. "This doesn't at all diminish what I have with you. You and I ... we, we were meant to be since the moment we met twenty years ago. But ... my ... soul, the part of me that was drawn to you and bonded with you ... it was attuned to Colère because she was always there ... And ... I don't know ... I frelling don't know what else to say!"

Much like her violent outbursts a year ago, she spun around and punched the hull, making a minimal dent but the pain she felt bursting within her hand was a fitting punishment for the pain she caused Aurelia ...

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Aurelia needed to understand, so she listened as Nikole spoke. She knew it was difficult and painful for her wife to do; they communicated better physically, which was obvious by the way Nikole kicked and then punched the bulkhead. Seeing that was what spurred Aurelia into motion, leaping up from the couch.

"Hey. Stop that," she commanded, bringing her arms around Nikole from behind. Auri hugged her hard, cheek pressed to her shoulder. "You're right. Colère was there all along. She was my frakking boogeyman-savior. And except for that very first time we met when I was a child, she's always been part of our lives."

And she became part of our lives because she woke up to save me from the abuse that no child should have to endure. Colère saved me so that I could find my mate again. And she could find hers.

Clinging to Nikole no matter if she tried to pull away or not, Aurelia processed this. She understood the cultural significance to Nikole and could respect that. The woman had lost her culture; she needed to honor the ways she'd been raised. Aurelia appreciated that since she'd fallen in love with a Morellian and had found security within the Nystrom family. The question that remained outstanding was whether it was honorable to Morellian culture to have two bonds. But, she suspected they were an anomaly and there'd be no way of knowing that; even Linnea might not know.

She took a deep breath and let go of Nikole long enough to move so that they could be face to face. A thought came to her that she needed to voice and she needed her mate to see her say it, so she'd believe Auri had really said it.

"Nikole... I'm going to need a little time to wrap my head around what this means for us, but... in a weird way, your..." Aurelia frowned as the word lodged in her throat. She forced it out through gritted teeth. "...your bonding with Colère affirms something to me: that you love me through and through. You accepted me as your mate, with Col in my head. You were willing to love me despite that craziness that was my reality. Now, with her separate and me slightly different... well, you're stuck with me."

She laughed mirthlessly.

"But, you'd found a way to come to terms with her as a person even before the mission. And I'd loved that about you because it was like seeing you accept the darker shade of me. The 'Darth Colère' I might have been. So now? I shouldn't be angry or hurt at all because you've committed yourself to that same darker shade of me. She and I are our own beings, but we're also two sides of the same cred chit. And you bonded to her.

"I'm sorry for freaking out, Nikole. I just never expected that this could even happen! And you know my history with her. But, I mean what I am saying right now. I promise."

[Nikole Nystrom]

Even the immediate response from Aurelia to hug her from behind wasn't enough to quell the guilt and rage inside Nikole to cease hurting herself immediately. She struggled and grabbed at Aurelia to peel arms off of her, but hearing she was right snapped the Morellian back to calm. That was when the guilt really sank in and quite prevalent too when Aurelia moved them so they were face to face. What her wife had said stunned her.

She was expecting Aurelia to accept her bonding immediately with Colère. It was actually surprising to hear that her wife was willing to considering coming to terms with this so soon despite Nikole knowing that deep inside her mate's heart that this was a situation she was being forced to accept.

It made the guilt fester. Even despite Aurelia's unique perspective of how Nikole becoming bonded to the two women was being considered as one woman.

She's just stating the same thing you said. Just from her own understanding. Stop seeking a way to sabotage this...

"Don't apologize for freaking out. You had, hell have, every right to continue to do so. This is unprecedented what happened between her and I ... and ... she said to have faith in you. I do. But I'm also scared..."

She looked away with a sorrowful expression. "... that you're making a decision that you feel forced to ... to keep me happy. When it should be me severing the bond with Colère ..."

[Aurelia Nystrom]

Colère told her to have faith in me. Gods.

Aurelia sighed and shook her head, studying Nikole. They were both hurting and she could feel the depth of her mate's fear through their bond. Bouncing off that fear because she was still stunned by all of this, Auri's tone was again sharper than she meant for it to be.

"Sever it so that, what, we'll all be miserable and shamed? Don't be daft, Nikole," she said. "The ripple effect would be far too great if you severed this..."

Say it.

"...gift."

Aurelia could well-imagine how it would put a wedge between her and Nikole, and between her and Colère. Katja... well, she couldn't predict what her reaction to all of it would be, but knowing how Kat dreamed of a reality where the four of them could co-exist under one roof...

Yes, that would get vaped too. The cost is too high for the whole family. All because everyone feels they had to coddle the feelings of the resident non-Morellian who couldn't deal.

She set her jaw in the determined way Nikole knew well. "Nikole, I can't tell the two of you what to do. Or how to handle this. Keep the bond. Or don't keep it. But make that decision based on what your hearts and souls need. Not what you think I need."

[Nikole Nystrom]

The Morellian blinked at the tone of Aurelia's voice, hearing how sure she was of what she was saying. But did she really believe it? The answer was yes. Of course Aurelia did. When it came to their relationship, the Corellian was always truthful since the moment Aurelia said she loved her.

"I'm not coddling you!" She couldn't believe how loud her voice has raised, but the feelings that were coming off of Aurelia was not how her and the rest of the family felt. "I'm asking the woman that I fell in love with and ... and frakking respect to help me know what I should do! I know severing the bond is wrong for me. But... how the hell isn't that selfish in regards to your feelings? Frak ... Colère suggested it first but I said no. Just ... just because that was my initial response doesn't make it right. And ... scared of your reaction ... back on Nar Shaddaa should've clued me in to doing what was right!"

[Aurelia Nystrom]

"Alright. Fine, you're not coddling me."

Aurelia sighed heavily and looked Nikole in the eye, arms looped about her waist. It hurt that her mate hurt. And all she really wanted was for her to feel better about this now; ironically, Nikole was struggling to do the exact same thing!

"Nikole, all I'm saying is that you need to make your decision, with Colère, based on what the two of you need. Here. Wait. Maybe this will help."

She stepped back a half-step and pulled her datapad out of her purse. Aurelia queued up the most recent journal entry in her jokingly titled "little black book." She'd shared the entry with Kat because it had been important for her to understand how far she'd come in terms of accepting and being thankful for Colère. Now that her initial shock was set aside with the news of this second bond, Aurelia needed Nikole to see it too.

"Read."