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"..Yet this is not that which is myself."

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  • "..Yet this is not that which is myself."


    *Rain sat, watching the water drip from her drenched hair, feeling her soaked clothing cling to her thin figure as well the coldness from the wet tile and glass around her. The constant pounding from the cold water from the showerhead that beat down on her body. Nothing was right. She pressed herself into the corner, hoping by some miracle she could just vanish into the reddish water and disappear down the drain with the rest of it. Her clothing felt heavy, the long, belled sleeves of her shirt weighing her arms down as they hugged her knees. She shivered as her attention turned to watching as more of her own blood dripped from the thick black fabric from the sleeves, mixed with the showerwater, and vanished out of her site past the small metal grading that lay opposite of where she sat. Pathetic.
    She didn't care if she was found or not as the words of the Jedi she had met rang through her head, expecting to hear the all too familiar voice at any time, telling her the Jedi was wrong, that he spoke only lies. It did not come. Hart said they could help her. He was wrong, no one could help her, and they would all feel her pain eventually. But first...
    She stood up slowly, looking in the mirror, seeing the two diamonds she had painted on her face over each eye. Black over right, red over left.
    Who is this? ...This is not me. Who are you?
    She stared at her reflection and took a step forward, her arms hanging limply at her sides.
    I know you. Why do you not speak to me, old man? Have you become afraid of me?
    Another step closer
    I hate you.
    She stumbled slightly, pain shooting up through her arms now, a few more red droplets shaken loose from her shirt and falling to the ground. She regained her balance and looked up, the paint had become streaked and she could see patches of her pale skin through it.
    No, it is not you, this is me...Yet this is not that which is myself.
    Suddenly glass shattered, the pieces of the mirror exploded from the frame as if it had been hit with a rock, the pieces fell to the ground, each one showing the reflection of a young girl from different angles. Waves of darkness flowed through her.
    I hate everyone.
    She closed her eyes and slowly walked back into the other area of her quarters that had her bed, water still dripping from her person. With a sigh, she stopped and slid down the wall and sat there, feeding off the pain that pounded in her arms.
    They will all pay for this.

  • #2

    Laughter, a symbol of joy, happiness...madness. A sound that had been floating around Rain's room for a few minutes now. She lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, laughing at a situation that would make others horrified. Then as sudden as it had started, it stopped. Her face had a look of seriousness that was beyond her years. She felt cold, yes...cold and numb. Two feelings she actually knew she was feeling, rather than the masks of joy she pushed on herself everyday. She sat up slowly and calmly looked around, the realization that she was soaked finally hit her. The throbbing pain her arms became more noticeable again and she let herself drop back onto the bed, her gaze returning to the ceiling.

    "I feel sick."

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    • #3

      If someone were to ask her what had happened and how she got where she was, Rain certainly wouldn't have been able to answer. Yet now she found herself standing in a hall she hadn't been in since she was a Warrior. A long hallway with portraits of the ancient Sith. She could almost see herself sitting across from a certain one, being told by Sumor and Dyne that they were certain that she would make the man she called "Grandfather" proud. Grandfather...what a joke. If anything he was her father, and maybe even herself.
      She slowly walked, water still dripping from her clothing slightly and stopped in front of the same painting that she had that day and stared at it. Stared into the 2D image of a person she knew all too well. Of a person whose DNA made up her body, yet whom she looked nothing like. She hated him and was furious to think she once relied on his approval for everything. Everything she tried so hard in doing just to make him proud. Yet it had never been enough. Never been enough that she had fought Jedi, given up sleep for meditation, love for hate, balance for chaos. No, it was never enough to please him and now he had shut her off completely.
      Rain slumped with sudden weakness and found herself sitting exactly how she had. Staring into the eyes of the tattooed Sith Lord. It was then with a sickened shudder that she realized the one thing that brought her here. Her world that she had created, the walls that she had built up to protect herself, all of it was crashing down onto her, and this time no one could save her.

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